I had a different devotion planned and then I ran into an article this weekend about how facebook is trying to trademark the word face and it got me thinking. About faces.

Faces are special because, unless you live in an Islamic nation and you’re a woman, they’re the one piece of ourselves that we can’t hide. Think about it: your face is always exposed to other people and you’re never fully aware of what your face is showing. There are some voluntary facial expressions, but there are also a host of involuntary facial expressions. We don’t always choose what our face communicates, but we can't prevent communication. Psychologist Paul Ekman has done a number of studies on facial expressions and has found that they are universal: looking at photographs, people everywhere around the world recognize disgust as disgust and sorrow as sorrow. So, we may not be able to communicate with language always, but we can communicate with our faces and the expressions they make.

This communication through our faces is key for two reasons:

1. I believe that humans have a core desire: we want to be known. We want people to really see us. And love us. Our faces allow this.

2. I believe that humans have a corresponding core fear: we are afraid to be known. We are afraid people will reject what they find inside us. Our faces allow this, too.

So...we are stuck. We want to be known but we are afraid to be known. In fact, the weirdest thing is that since we can’t see our own faces most of the time, we can’t even know ourselves unless someone else is there interacting with us. I’m going to use an old word that doesn’t get used much anymore: beholder. We need a beholder, someone to see and know us, in order to fully know who we are.

In our wider culture, we often hear messages about being yourself and knowing yourself and achieving your dreams and, and, and...and what I’d like to say is that you can’t just be you all by yourself. In fact, you can’t even know who you are by yourself.

On the other hand, you can’t let others define you. Other people can’t make you who you are. If you allow that, you live in frustration constantly.

So we are faced with a constant tension between what’s inside of us and what others see on the outside of us. Our faces act as some sort of lens, the point of connection. Jesus talked about the eyes being the window of the soul, and I certainly believe that eyes communicate a great deal.

What do we do, then? Is there any practical value to recognizing this tension?

What do we do about the fact that we need a beholder to help us know ourselves, but we also need a sense of identity from within? I want to give you a few quick points I’ve learned:

First: I know what doesn’t work. I have tried two really bad strategies: hiding my face, which only causes whatever is happening to fester inside. And I’ve tried making my face into whatever it is other people seem to want from me. We all do this. I notice it most obviously when I look at the contortions people go through to create the right image of themselves, the right face, for something like facebook. This also causes frustration and anxiety, because I am never quite sure I’ve hidden my true self or whether I’ve met other people’s expectations.

Second: I believe that only one beholder really matters, God himself. Think about it. If God made you and your face, He, more than anyone, can tell you who you are and who you’re meant to be. More than that, he knows all of you, every little dark corner of your mind, and I believe He has decided to love you anyway. The Psalmist says,

“O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.”

So God fulfills my desire to be truly known and loved. He does not deny or erase my flaws, rather he demands that with and through his love, I continue to become more of who he intended me to be.

Third: This knowledge brings me peace. I have learned that the road to peace, or at least part of the road to inner peace, lies in authenticity. I consciously reject veils and masks. There’s something freeing about realizing that I don’t need to hide. My identity will continue to form and mold as I interact with the beholders around me. My face will change as I take on lines of laughter and worry and happiness and anger. I recognize that some of the beholders I meet will see my true face and will think me weak or proud or any number of other negative characteristics. I think they’re right to point these out, and with their help or with God's, maybe I can change my face and become strong and humble.

Fourth, and most importantly, if I recognize this deep desire in me to be known, truly known, and loved, and if I recognize that God knows and loves me, then I can extend that same kind of love to others. I, too, am a beholder. I can seek to see and know other people for who they really are, to go behind the veils and masks that we all put up. I believe people need this. And I don’t want to deny the dark corners that I find in others. Rather, I want to follow the model I’ve been given in God and simply decide to love no matter what I see, and to continue to believe that change is possible for anyone.

We don’t become who we are in isolation. In the end, our identity develops through interaction with others. We were made for community, for communion with others, so I hope you’ll take the time today to really look at your friends, find out what’s actually going on behind their faces, and decide to love what you find.